little pink pop

standing in the ruins, puddles around in my feet
drips down from my branching finger tips
paralyzed and floating
dusty box with dried markers and cut photos
and there you are

my little pink plastic popper
the small rose colored rubber bump
that hopped
you were always a comfort
in the days of monkey bar heart break
and hateful flirting


can you still jump?
you can.
the only tangible thing that
hasn’t let me down
a small pink piece of plastic
that I bought in second grade for a dime
but even you will betray me

someday

you will hop away
into a dusty corner with old cassettes
and I will be left here
straddling tree trucks
feeling attracted and appalled
at nostalgia

Let’s Exploit my Distress, Shall we?

Hand raised
And descend!
Oo, that’s nice.
Wrong phrasing there.
My absent presence-
Stings with a hint of green?
Ha ha, awkward…

Crinkled, paralyzed bear claw.
No words please, just notes and chimes.
Be quiet Jon.
Now is not the time.
unreasonable and ridiculous
Shaking off anger
Only to find his brother.
Sickness in middle
Please purge this
Small bumps on lip line and eyebrow
its coming out the skin
if not my mouth.
Cannot stay in.
~(Too honest for an audience?)

Absence of gap, broad shoulders, beautiful exhalations
punishing the wrong
self infliction never gratifies
conveying it outward
always worse

all because of a misplaced pause

tiny rock stealer!

Do you want to run
in the sun
his kiss will leave brown spots

small clumps of sand
Used as weapons
Indian clay?
Sand box sealer?
tiny rock stealer…
circle circle dot dot
A visit from the doc

trying to catch affection
Lumbering along on plump legs
never will, if I could touch
What would I do?
Less knowledge, less confidence
“the more knowledge, the more grief”

white round beads

White round beads
hanging in an unnatural V
I look from the crisp pages
to my dry, cracked hands
When did they become so pale and bloated?
I know these pages better
words outweigh well-being
knowledge as mental quicksand
enclosing over my ears
its all been said
even that

free write from first poetry group (slightly revised)

glass oval lens, layers of beams
scrunched blades between toes
pointed to expression
attempts at capture
sun-catcher, soul enlightener
the cliché of warmth
drunk on joy
clears away cynicism

freckled soil from rain
look up, cover over
briskly let us leave

waddle bow-legs
bronze goatee
unhappy grumbles
of little coal-colored dog
trudging along

2/12/07 Robby

white stick with red stripe
bumping into tables, chairs
shaking hands of strangers
soft voice, strong musk
heavy, breathing mouth

i reach and retract

i am not like Nicolas

i wasn't needed for assistance

i only watched, strunk and small
deflating by the minute

instead I open my computer and write about Robby
which does nothing

1/6/07

my place

walking into
my place
beards and lip rings
welcome back
in and out
the door
cancer only for outside use
reuniting with a friend
laughing til sushi hurts
the ending of an era
cliches all around
cold white mocha
long conversations
little flakes
between roof and tongue
cold hips in january
wet pits in june
shivering legs under blankets
smooth valleys
almost finished apple
faded ink on hand
cool wood chair
friendly face across table
five dollar theology books
sprinkler dancing
in my place

1/2/07

red exit sign
emergency?
obligation?
foot on your ass
pushing you out the door
can time stand still
and seal this moment
eternity, does it exist
where time is not feared?
rekindle all those friendships
you felt bad for allowing to distangle
all the time in the world
becoming a reality
smal brown dog
at lower left corner of bed
breathing, snorting, snoring
little sister
too old for her age
jealous mother
wishing to be a sister
stepdad cracking puns
hitting mother's buns
invisible uncle instructing
fur in nostrils
smells like home

12/29/06

void

empty of purpose
white void
invisible organs
pit of the stomach punch
frusterations, answers questioned
cold skin
warm, fresh breath
what am i even doing
bad habits
smoke stained jacket
late nights
early mornings
breakfast with a question
side of doubt
eat it up
its normal
doesn't mean it
will taste well




wow, i wrote angry poetry in decemeber... dang
oh well, it was how i was feeling

12/25/06

This is my post from Christmas:

"Christ mas?

empty of a savior
red green with white
paper crumpled
love soon swallowed by greed
so quickly i forget
the entire point
instead pout and compare
who cares whats in the bag
or box my own ears
disappointment wells, losing control
nails too long
will do damage
close my eyes
bathroom mirror
deep breathes
its not about me
family, love
CHRIST?
forgotten



not one i am proud of. but today was lovely but i was def a shit today. I completely forgot about Christ today, on His birthday! I am such a bad friend
-D"

That was an intense day

12/23/06

sitting in black dress
that i don't want to wear
acting as a buffer
between adolescence and mid-life self-absorbtion
tension at the table
quietly will eat sashimi
pretend all is well
in reality wanting to have
gray/white hairs between fingers
freshly riped from scalp
i wish there were more female knights
not just flaming joan
instead i will be the hero through polite conversation
distracting the monster
save the blonde heroine for a few hours
blue shiny shoes, blue bead necklace
should leave
are possessions worth all of this?
does blood thicken in certain areas?

12/18/06

lil sis stop crying
three weeks isn't long
lil runt kitten
stop mewing
outside lil sis' door
slumber takes over
while small brown dog
snuggles a new pink blanket
dry skin around my nose
itches my fingernails
lil sis your life is not over
its only just begun
three weeks is not long
maybe its not fair
but its not that long

my baby step

the first poem I wrote since sophomore year of high school. i really like fragments, this really isn't something i'm proud of. But I want to store ALL my poems on this blog thinger... (from 12/16/06)

dry cracked fingers
held together
aligning with their partners
empty breathes
wishing for sleep
sleepless nights
with stale breath
bile and stale
sore and itchy
is the rose
that is meant to be treasured
gasping gulping
small critter
creating panic
sick and tired
just too damn sick and tired
heavy breathing
raping me
of a chance of slumber.



mmm not sure how i feel about the use of "raping"
but im not going to bother to change this one. not worth it.